Yesterday I went to the mall with my kids. Now this is not something I attempt to do very often, but as I was getting Tess ready for her first day of school I realized that she had outgrown all of her shoes. Desperate times call for desperate measures. So off to the mall we went.
While trying to herd my children to the bathroom at one point during our visit, I passed a woman who said to me, "You're so lucky." Assuming that she was making a sympathetic comment about the unruliness of my crew (that were of course darting in and out of the racks pulling off clothes), I laughed and answered back something like, "Yep it's always a party when we go shopping." And to that she replied, "No I really mean it. You're so lucky to have so many children. I would give anything to have more."
At the time she said it I was in hot pursuit of my little ones and it wasn't until we had reached the bathroom that I registered her words. I hurried my kids along and ran out of the restroom, but the woman was gone. I'm not sure what I would have said to her had she still been there. Maybe just shared my story. But I wanted her to know that I recognized the longing look in her eyes and hoped she would feel she was not alone. And maybe I could have given her some hope that miracles really do happen (as evidenced by my family). But I was too late.
Today my thoughts have not been far from the woman in the mall. Today I pray for her. And for all the other women out there that know the desperation of not being able to have the one thing in life they want most. For the women that are begging, pleading, bargaining, beginning to doubt or have completely lost hope. For those that have started questioning themselves and their God. For those that put on a brave face, but feel the heartache with every child that they see. Theirs is a lonely road.
And today I hug my children a little bit tighter, recognizing that I am no more deserving than any of these women. I just happened to get "lucky." And I am going to do my best to savor every bit of my good fortune...
...even when my toy room looks like this:
5 comments:
Oh -- you already got tighter today! That makes me so happy! You're so amazing. That was a beautiful post and I appreciate your gratitude - there are so many who have so much of what I want and just seem to focus on the negative aspect of their blessing. So thank you. You're wonderful. And your kids are So Lucky.
i think we're all so lucky to have your beautiful children in our lives. i can't imagine the horsley family without them! they always brighten my day and fill every room with joy and laughter. what a sweet post. i'm glad those days of longing and sadness are over for you. you deserve more than you'll ever accept those 4 amazing children of yours! love ya sis.
I remember a lady one day said to me how good it was that God blessed us with so many children because He knew how much I loved them and would care for them. I know He knows you and Nate are the best parents ever and how much you too will love and care for your children always, even on the bad days! Today must be a crying blog day - as I read your blog shortly after reading Amy's and the tears just flowed even more after reading what you said on your blog today. I personally also try to tell people when they are having a bad day to remember how wonderful your children are - you never know when they will be too far away or even gone from this life waiting for us in the next life, so appreciate the here and now, the dirty play rooms, cuz that means they are THERE to play!! We love your family so much! I know you love those little ones of yours too - no matter the bad days!
Thanks Erin--for reminding me of something that I know everyday--I just sometimes forget.
I am sitting here at work with tears in my eyes. Leslie Mingo suggested that I read that post and I am really glad she did. I couldn't agree with you more!
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